Family Values
Growing up Addams: Abracadabra
By Ishtar
FAMILY VALUES
Disclaimer: "Harry Potter" is a book (and movie, and video game, and toys, and cereal, and towels, and probably condoms) created by J.K. Rowling ("She Who Must Not Go Unnamed"). She holds
the copyright. Some rights also belong to Warner Bros. although it beats me as to which ones. I do not own the copyrights, trademarks, or licensing contracts (boy I wish!) to any part.
However, if Snape should suddenly manifest in the flesh inside this wavering question mark we call reality, he shall be mine, oh yes, he shall be mine.... that's not just the vodka talking
either!
Further disclaimer: I hereby disclaim any rights in the above disclaimer, which I saw on a fic by SueMonroe over on The Silver Snitch and thought too good to leave unstolen. I haven’t found an assignment of copyright in my mailbox recently, so I have to assume I don’t own Harry Potter any more than Ms. Monroe does. Or The Addams Family, rights to which are owned by some combination of Tee Addams, the Estate of Charles Addams, The Charles Addams Foundation, the New Yorker Magazine, Orion Pictures Corporation, or Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, all of whom have some interest or other in The Addams Family.
Chapter 06 — Growing up Addams: Abracadabra
For Harry, Wednesday and Pugsley, knowing they were magical changed everything. When they were at home, they carried their wands with them everywhere, and practiced the spells in their little books relentlessly. The spells which the Agency man had said were "cantrips" turned out to be very basic Charms and Transfigurations, with a few harmless jinxes as well. The book said if they could learn those, it would give them the foundations for the three main categories of wanded magic. The author of the book assumed that it would take a child about a month or so to master each spell, but the author didn’t know Harry Potter and the Addamses. With the three children egging each other on, they ripped through the books in nothing flat.
By the end of October, they’d mastered the two dozen spells in the books and were practically frothing at the mouth trying to figure out new ones on their own. It was Wednesday’s idea that some of the "magic" words in their storybooks might actually be magic, so they started trying them out. And of course the words they tried first were the classics: "hocus pocus" and "abracadabra."
Hocus pocus, it turned out, was the incantation for a mild distraction spell. If it was cast on an object, people would tend not to notice that object for a short time. Grandmama showed the children a book that said that Hocus pocus was only part of a longer incantation. The first part was a distraction. The second part, tontus talontus, created a flash and a bang. The third part, vade celeriter jubeo, was a disappearing spell. Put together, the whole spell was very useful for a traveling magician, and each part could be used separately as well.
Abracadabra, however, was an entirely different kettle of fish.
The children had worked out, with some help from Uncle Fester, who was good at figuring things out, that different kinds of wand movements went with different spells. Charms, for example, usually involved a swish or wave of the wand. Transfigurations required that the item being Transfigured be tapped with the wand. And jinxes were cast with a slashing, jabbing or thrusting movement at the person or creature being jinxed. So they had to try all different kinds of movements with different kinds of targets in order to figure out what the incantation might do.
Harry thought it might be a charm, and kept trying to figure out what kind of swish it would require. Wednesday didn’t think it was wanded at all, since they’d found a story about it being written on a piece of paper to cure a mysterious illness. Pugsley thought it was a jinx, and since jinxes needed to be performed on living objects, he had enlisted the other children’s help in collecting an assortment of bugs and beetles to practice on. He had put a beetle in a mason jar, and was trying different ways to pronounce the word. He was getting frustrated at his lack of progress, and was waving his wand ever more forcefully.
"Abra cadabra! Abba cedabba! Avva kedavva!" A spark of sickly green light leapt from the end of his wand, impacting on the glass, which shattered, releasing the beetle, which crawled frantically over the floor of the conservatory, which they were using as their practice room under Morticia’s supervision. He heard Harry gasp in surprise. "Hey, look, it worked! Avva kedavva!" There was another spark of light, a whooshing sound, and the beetle rolled over, quite dead. Simultaneously, Harry slapped his wand out of his hand.
"Don’t. Do. That. Again," said Harry.
"What? Why?"
"Just don’t." He turned away from Pugsley and looked down at the dead beetle. He toed it gently, almost as if hoping it would move again, but it didn’t.
"It’s just a bug."
Harry shrugged. "No, now it’s snake food." He picked it up, hearing Grandmama’ adage in his head. Waste not, want not. His snakes would be going to sleep for the winter soon. One of them would like a little snack first, he was sure.
"Where did my wand go?" Pugsley got on his knees and looked under the plant racks, ignoring the tendrils of a climbing nightshade brushing against the back of his neck. "Here it is! Hey!" he said, outrage in his tone. He held his wand out. It was split right down the middle. "My wand broke! Mom! Can you fix this?"
Morticia took the pieces of the wand and looked at them closely. "I’m afraid not. And I don’t think it’s the sort of thing you can fix with tape, glue or a welder’s torch. I’ll have to contact Mr Blair from the Agency and see if we can get a new one. I’ll call him in the morning."
But they didn’t have to wait for morning to speak to Mr Blair. Almost as soon as Morticia finished speaking, the doorbell’s scream rang out; Lurch escorted Mr Blair to the conservatory a moment later.
"All right, who did what?" he asked. "Is anyone hurt?"
Pugsley handed over the parts of his wand. "No, but my wand broke! Can you fix it?"
"No. I can’t. And whether you get another one depends on what you tell me about how this one broke."
"May I ask why?" asked Morticia.
"Because these things are designed to break, and send an emergency alert to the Agency, if, and only if, they’re used to hurt a living creature. If you stick with the spells in the book, it isn’t supposed to happen at all." He put the two pieces of the wand together and chanted, "Priori incantatem!" A bit of grey mist came from the tip and formed into a beetle. "Just a beetle?" Blair said with relief.
Harry held out the beetle for inspection. "I was going to feed it to one of my snakes. That’s okay, isn’t it?"
"Oh, yes, it’s just dead, not tainted." Blair turned toward Pugsley again. "Now then, what were you doing, and where did you learn it?"
"We ran out of spells in the book, so we figured — well, Wednesday figured some of the things in storybooks might be real, and people only think they aren’t. Sort of like how the Jersey Devil is real but everybody thinks it isn’t. So we got some bugs to test things on, and we did hocus pocus, and then I wanted to do abracadabra, but …"
"If you’d stuck with abracadabra, you’d have been all right," said Blair. "That’s a pretty hefty conjuration spell, and I doubt you’d be able to do anything with it. But there’s a curse that’s pretty close in sound, and that’s the one you used, am I right?"
"I said avva kedavva. I think."
"Close enough. And let me guess, you were using a jinx wand movement, and you were pretty annoyed at the bug, huh?"
"Not at the bug. Because I couldn’t make the spell work."
"Okay. You didn’t intentionally hurt anything. And you wouldn’t have this time, if you were working on anything larger than a bug. I’ll bring a new wand around for you in the morning. But I want you to promise not to try that spell again. You could be in very serious trouble if you do." He took a look at Pugsley’s mutinous face, and then glanced at the carefully expressionless faces of the other two children. "Okay. Let’s put it this way. Your new wand will be adjusted so that spell isn’t possible for you right now. And I’m going to ask your sister and your cousin to give me their wands too, so I can adjust those in case you decide to swap wands."
"Mr Blair, don’t we have a say in the matter?" asked Morticia.
"Look, Mrs Addams, I know about you and your family, and we know about him," he said, pointing at Harry. "You’re all kind of legend, and we’re under orders to let things slide because you’re not exactly members of our community. We don’t have jurisdiction over most of the things that go on here. But we do have jurisdiction over these three, and we need to make sure they learn things that are safe and don’t threaten others. At this age, they don’t have the discretion to handle more dangerous spells."
Morticia raised her eyebrows in polite disbelief.
"Everybody thinks their kids are an exception. Look, you wouldn’t give a six-year-old a loaded gun, would you? Never mind, maybe you would. Be that as it may, we are required to keep the children from doing deliberately dangerous things. Pugsley didn’t intend to kill the beetle, just jinx it a little. Most children would never have discovered how to cast that spell. Most children wouldn’t have been able to force enough magic to kill a beetle through a training wand. That’s why there aren’t going to be any charges pressed. This time. If it happens again, there will be a hearing and his wand will be confiscated, probably for several years. I’m sure you don’t want to stunt the development of his magic because he accidentally cast a spell he shouldn’t."
"I assure you, Mr Blair, my son will not be killing anything accidentally."
"Good. I’ll be back in the morning, then. And I’ll suggest again that you get them a tutor." He gave Morticia a half-bow and strode off officiously.
He quite forgot to take Harry and Wednesday’s wands with him.
"Hocus pocus," Morticia whispered as he left.
0o0o0o0o0
That night, Harry had a nightmare. It started with him discovering a new door in the House, which opened into a whole different house he’d never seen before, although it had the same ‘feel’ of age and magic that the House did. Tiptoeing through the dark halls, he found a room whose door was open. It was a baby’s room. Its walls were dark like the sky, with clouds floating around and obscuring the twinkling stars. From time to time, a small glowing gold thing with wings would fly past. The crib in the room held a dark-haired baby who was contentedly sucking his thumb in his sleep. Then there came crashing noises from downstairs; a man’s voice yelled something and a woman screamed, and sickly green light flashed once, twice, filling up the hall and spilling into the baby’s room. The baby in the crib woke up and started to cry. A man in a dark robe, with glowing red eyes, came into the room and pointed his wand at the baby, ignoring Harry’s presence. That was a mistake.
Harry ran forward and kicked the man in the shins as hard as he could, causing the green spell that burst from the man’s wand to hit the ceiling, blowing a hole in it. Then he went to the crib, whose bars dissolved magically, and grabbed the baby. Darting around the man, he ran out of the room and down the hall, trying to find his way back home. The man chased him, yelling "AVADA KEDAVRA!" and shooting green spells at him. The baby grew heavier and heavier in his arms. Finally, just as he thought he was cornered, he found another door that led back into the House. The baby was gone, but the man was still chasing him and firing spells at Family members who came into the hall. Uncle Gomez tried to cut the man with a saber, but there was green light and he fell. Pugsley tried to use his red wand, but it broke, and a green spell cut him down. Aunt Morticia and Wednesday came into the hall armed with axes, and a green spell hit Aunt Morticia and Harry grabbed Wednesday’s hand and they kept running.
Then they were out in the graveyard somehow, and the House on the top of the hill was burning, wreathed with green flame. Hand in hand, Harry and Wednesday ran to the tomb of Charles Felonius Addams, trying to take shelter there, knowing somehow that if they could get inside it, they’d be safe, but the door wouldn’t open and the man with the red eyes laughed, a high, cold laugh that sent chills through Harry’s body.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" A green spell came towards him and Wednesday, and there was no way to dodge it, and the great bronze doors of the tomb behind them opened and they fell through into the dark, falling, falling …
He woke as he hit the floor of his own bedroom with a thump. Aunt Morticia was sitting on a chair next to his bed and Wednesday was sitting on the end of his bed, looking down at him.
"That looked like fun," said Wednesday.
"Wasn’t," said Harry, rubbing his forehead. He hadn’t hit it, but his head ached.
Pugsley came into the room, yawning, with Grandmama just behind him. "I went and got Grandmama," he said unnecessarily.
Uncle Gomez, Thing, and even Lurch crowded into Harry’s little room and helped him back into bed. He was still shivering. Grandmama pulled the cork from a little brown bottle and handed it to him. He drank it without question, and felt heat rush through his body until steam burst out his ears. His headache disappeared instantly. "Whoa! That’s great! What is that stuff?"
"It’s a Pepper-Up Potion. Warms you right up, doesn’t it?"
He nodded enthusiastically. He felt much better now, and the steam pouring out of his ears tickled.
"We’re all here now, Harry. Why don’t you tell us about your dream?"
So Harry did, in great detail, causing Pugsley to complain, "No fair! You have the most exciting dreams!" and Wednesday to squeeze his hand tightly when he came to the part when they were trapped at the tomb.
When he was finished, there was silence for a moment.
"What does it all mean, Aunt Morticia?" he whispered. He knew she was good at interpreting dreams and omens and things like that.
"I’ve told you all the story of how you came to stay with us, Harry," Aunt Morticia said. "When you first came here, you used to have nightmares like this, but you were too young to explain what they were about. Now we know. When your parents were killed by the Dark Wizard Voldemort, he probably used what is called the Killing Curse. Pugsley came close to discovering that curse today, which is why you were upset when he used it on the beetle. It brought back the memories from when you were just a baby. In your dream, as in your real life, you heard Voldemort kill your parents, and then he came to kill you. In your dream, you saved yourself as a baby. What really happened, of course, was that the Killing Curse bounced back and destroyed him. You were rescued from the ruins of the house and brought to your Aunt Petunia, who in turn brought you here to us."
"So this Dark guy is really dead, and I killed him?" asked Harry.
"Unfortunately, there is some doubt about that. While he might have died, according to the stories in the papers at the time, there was no body, and his wand was never found."
"Then how do they even know what happened?" asked Wednesday, ever the logical one.
"That’s a very good question," said Uncle Gomez, "and it’s one we’ve never been able to find an answer to. I have a whole scrapbook of newspaper stories of the time, and there have even been books written about it, but there are holes in the story big enough to ride a dragon through. Personally, I think there was at least one other person in the house that night, probably on Voldemort’s side, who ran off with his wand. Possibly there were other people besides Harry’s parents there, and some of them survived the fight and told other people what had happened, and the story spread from there. Even though he was only a year old when it happened, they think Harry’s a hero for defeating Voldemort."
"But I didn’t do anything," said Harry, puzzled.
"I know you didn’t. But people need heroes and you were there. When you go back to England, you’ll probably have lots of people telling you how great you were."
"Do I have to go back? I want to stay here with the Family!"
"Yes, you have to go back some time, because the story isn’t finished yet. I have read it in the cards," said Aunt Morticia. "Voldemort may be gone, but he’s not dead. What’s the first rule about enemies?"
"Make sure they’re dead before you turn your back on them," chorused the three children.
"Right. Voldemort probably knows that, too. So if he does ever come back, he’ll come after Harry. And since we don’t want him to come here …."
Harry shivered, thinking of his dream of the House burning down. No, he certainly didn’t want Voldemort to come here!
"…we’ll have to go there."
"We? Not just me?"
Aunt Morticia reached forward and ruffled Harry’s already messy hair. "We. We’re Family, Harry. You know what that means. Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatus nunc."
"‘We gladly feast on those who would subdue us’," replied Harry. A smile came to his face slowly. "Voldemort doesn’t stand a chance."
0o0o0o0o0
Minerva McGonagall was beginning to wonder about Albus Dumbledore. He seemed uncharacteristically subdued since the beginning of the school year, and she overheard him questioning the Muggle Studies professor what the phrase "strike two" meant. Unfortunately, she had no idea either.
0o0o0o0o0
Harry, Pugsley and Wednesday continued growing up, as children do. Grandmama brought them some old spell books, and they started going through them, but rapidly ran into problems. As Mr Blair had suggested would happen, they just couldn’t make most of the higher level spells work. They would have to keep practicing with the easier cantrips and wait until their power increased to deal with the harder ones.
This didn’t mean they stopped learning magic, though. As Aunt Morticia pointed out to Harry, there were many magical studies which didn’t require wands. And some of those were things she and other members of the Family could teach. So even though they couldn’t find a tutor who wouldn’t flee screaming after two days, Harry, Pugsley and Wednesday still got lessons.
Grandmama, of course, taught them Potions, starting with teaching all of them how to cook. Once they’d all learned the basics of preparing ingredients properly, adding them in the right order, stirring widdershins and deosil, and keeping the pot from scorching, she was sure they could not only handle basic potions, but make a decent soup from scratch.
Aunt Morticia taught them Herbology, starting with herbal lore and how to grow plants in the greenhouse.
Both Grandmama and Aunt Morticia were experts at divination, and Wednesday seemed to have the gift for it, learning how to read cards and palms and tea leaves. Her mother promised to teach her astrology as well, when she could handle the mathematics involved.
Uncle Gomez kept up the fencing lessons, proclaiming that "no matter how powerful the wizard, a blade between the ribs would seriously cramp his style!" On any given weekend afternoon, the sound of steel against steel rang through the ballroom as Uncle Gomez fought Aunt Morticia and Harry fought against Wednesday. As inevitably happened, when one of the adults disarmed the other and they started kissing, Harry and Wednesday took their practice into another room and solemnly promised each other that they would never do anything so disgusting.
Uncle Gomez also worked with them on History of Magic. He had several books in his library that had been brought over from England in 1693 by Charles Felonius Addams, and others that had been added to the library since then. He showed Harry his scrapbook of stories that had appeared in the British, American, French and German Wizarding press at the time, translating the French and German since Harry had only the most rudimentary knowledge of those languages. He also let Harry read one of the biographies that had been published about him, and helped him compose a letter of outrage to the publisher.
Uncle Fester took over teaching Arithmancy and Runes, although he was usually just a chapter or two ahead of his students. These lessons were Pugsley’s favourites.
Cousin Woon and Cousin Itt both came over more often, showing Harry fascinating books on cryptozoology and mythical creatures. Cousin Itt particularly approved of Harry’s collection of snakes. Wednesday developed an interest in spiders, and Cousin Woon helped her start breeding tarantulas.
Christmas came round as it was wont to do. There were no carolers at the door this year, as word had gone round the previous year about the group that had penetrated the Addams House’s defenses and, for their pains, were drenched with a cauldron full of hot wassail, poured on them from the top of the tower. The assault case and the corresponding trespass case were still pending and popular opinion in town was against the carolers - everyone wanted to know what they could possibly have been thinking. The children remembered Pugsley’s early fear of the old man with the white whiskers who came into people’s houses on Christmas Eve, and made sure that the fireplace was kept ablaze all night. "The little dears!" murmured Aunt Morticia to Uncle Gomez. "They still believe in Santa Claus!" Wednesday received a beautiful doll in funeral attire; she promptly christened the doll ‘Marie Antoinette’ and cut its head off in the guillotine her father used on his cigars. The boys got a set of miniature seige engines, and happily spent the morning lobbing chocolates at each other with catapults and trebuchets, and trying to catch the missiles in their mouths.
With the coming of spring, both boys planted gardens alongside Wednesday’s, and the tramps through the mountains resumed. The Satanists were starting to leave a lot of junk (mostly beer cans) at their circles and were being very sloppy about their practices, so the children arranged black candles and wrote runes on the stones and left a sacrifice at one of the spots they frequently used, just to show them how it should be done. They were rather disappointed when the Satanists didn’t come back after that.
Playing "Colonists and Indians" in the woods became a favorite game, and all three of them learned how to move silently, sneaking up on and arranging traps for Uncle Fester, who usually volunteered to play Colonist for them.
Over the summer holidays, they went on vacation to New England. In Massachusetts, they saw the Magical Congress building in Boston, hunted for aliens (but didn’t catch any) in the Bridgewater Triangle, toured the sites of the witch hangings in Salem and visited Lizzie Borden’s house in Fall River; in New Hampshire, they visited Mystery Hill; and in Vermont, they visited Lake Champlain and tried to take pictures of Champ, the lake monster. It didn’t show up, although they threw several chickens into the water to attract it, so Harry had to settle for getting a team jersey from the Vermont Lake Monsters minor league baseball team, which he rooted for ever after.
Out of courtesy, Morticia and Gomez sent Petunia Dursley pictures every year, along with a short note telling her about Harry's accomplishments. She very rarely responded, but they didn't expect her to.
They also decided to send some snapshots to Albus Dumbledore, both as a peace offering and as a warning. The old man hadn't bothered them at all for a year now. With any luck, he'd given up.
0o0o0o0o0
"Giving up", unfortunately, was not in the Headmaster's vocabulary.